Well, I've been trying to write several posts for the past two weeks and ended up with nothing but half drafted paragraphs and poorly expressed thoughts. However, I will force myself into writing all about my 18th birthday, the day that ended all the mineur jokes at the gym and also means that I can no longer wave my age around like a white flag doubling as an armor against all the overly aged creeps everywhere.
My fingers feel slightly sluggish and my eyes are beginning to close, but I will tell you all about it.
Firstly, I had my first kickboxing class at my new kickbox/taekwondo/MMA/fitness gym and I love. I am in love. Completely.
I also met Alex, whom I'd actually met before, but barely spoken to, and we hit it off quite nicely. He's on the competition team, so I'm hoping to train with him and get back up to speed in Tae Kwon Do.
We then went shopping for a little bit, and went back to the hotel to get ready. I put on fake lashes for the first time, and let me tell you, all my haters can fly away to the batting of my kick ass eyelashes when I flutter my eyes, because I looked amazing with them on.
We ended up going to Le Rouge, a semi-classy bar, and skipping the whole line, because we were seven pretty girls in heels and dresses, and that's like Jesus In A Bottle to clubs.
My sisters bought me my first legal club drink (I'm pretty sure it was a Sex on the Beach, but it might have been a Long Island Iced Tea, I'm not really sure at this point.) Here are experiences, in no particular order, that happened to me:
- went to put my empty drink on a VIP table behind me. Guy caught me. Asked me to dance in exchange for putting something on his property. I told him the glass was now his property but I was out. Got pulled back in the dance circle by a friend.
- Feet were killing me so we sat at a VIP table. Got up on the benches and danced, as well as one of the girls I was with. Was asked by security to please not do so. Girls from the table came back from washroom as the guys there were offering the friend I was with and I a shot. Dirty looks were exchanged. We left before it got ugly.
- Was dancing. Reconfirmed I do not know how to dance.
- Was dancing, a guy kept petting me from behind, from ACROSS the dance floor (is that a thing that people do now???). Turned around to politely ask him to fuck off (using the words "Please fuck off") only to find him giving me an intentionally creepy smile and a finger-wiggle wave. Looked him up and down, did my "yeah ok, maybe in your dreams" face and turned back around. Too bad, though, he was good looking and tall, and when I saw him again later, he looked normal.
- Was comforting a girl from the group outside as she had lost her ID and $160 in the club. A guy passed by and whistled, eyeing us up and down. I'm pretty sure my voice cracked when I yelled "FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLE" at the top of my lungs. Alcohol and my bad temper do not mix well, apparently.
- Another guy passed by and said, rather more politely, "You guys looks smashing." I responded with a "Thanks, but right now is really not a good time.". You have to give me credit for being polite where polite was due.
- Took a taxi back, as half of the group had already left. We left about thirty minutes after. Got to the hotel, only to find the girl with the key (who had left in the first group) was no where to be found. Lied down outside the door. Security found us. Didn't really know how to deal with it. Asked us to go to the lobby. Friend was livid with anger, not only at the girl who was supposed to have the key, but also with security. Frankly, I felt safe about it, because if it were the other way around, and another group of people was loitering outside... We ended up getting back into the hotel room at about 3am, where I slept in a bed with three other girls.
-Woke up to my big toe nails feeling like someone had tried to rip them off using plyers, my skin between my toes and the balls of my feet cracked open, my hands hurting like crazy (but that may be the kickboxing) and, wait, for it, my dress neatly stacked in my bag, my shoes in their shoe bag and my braces in. Look at me being responsible. I also, did not make out with anyone or grind up on any strangers (although I'm actually really really really bad at grinding as I don't have any rhythm). So, I guess I really am an adult now. Or not a slut around my sister's friends. I'm not even sure. All I know is that it's good news.
Highlight of the night: a table of VIPs found out it was my birthday and offered me a shot. At this point, although I am usually a super light weight and had had three coolers, two shots of Sambuca, a Sex on The Beach (I think that's what they got me) and a Long Island Iced Tea (that my sister ordered for me as a second drink), I was not even drunk in the slightest. The conversation went a little bit like:
"It's your birthday, right?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, you have to have fun on your birthday, right? If ever you're thirsty, come see us! It's open bar for you, but only for you!"
Then, whenever a new member of their group would learn that it was my birthday, it would restart:
"It's your birthday?"
"yeah!"
"Have a drink, and pick a drinking partner!"
And that's how I ended up with four free shots of a drink I can't identify but was delicious, two Jaggerbombs, and three glasses of a drink I don't even know what was in it, but was delicious. That's also how I ended up so drunk I made three phone calls I shouldn't have made, but that's another story in it's entirety.
I'm now off to take a shower, as I'm wearing the same bra I had on yesterday and it smells of sweat, perfume and booze, and also a nap, because I'm dying. Then, I will go to the gym and pray que je me casse pas la geule sur un tapis roulant.
Good night y'all, and here's to being able to legally drink vodka as I am forced to do adult things like laundry and tax incomes.
Vero
