Fights

Here's the beautiful thing about fighting: after you get hurt once, you learn to keep your guard up.

I was always incredibly cocky when I fought back in Sudbury. There were few people in my category, and even in the two above me that could give me a good fight, let alone win against me. I eventually started fighting boys, and become even more arrogant. Cue to side smiles, winks when the referee wasn't looking, and dropping my guard while prancing around them, hips swinging when I got really too bored. The beautiful thing, though, is I wasn't careless: there was always the knowledge that one kick and I was done, so my hands always stayed ready to block and I was always on the balls of my feet, milliseconds from moving out of the way. I'd get the occasional kick, but I'd ignore the pain and plow on, eventually getting my fist raised in the air by the referee. I was always triumphant, and what more, with a bruise to show off, temporary trophy that earned me praise.

But sometimes, sometimes, you get tired of always having your guard up. You get tired of dancing around on the balls of your feet and you get tired of keeping on hand in front of your face and the other in front of your chest. You let it down, even momentarily. Which is fine. It's a risk. Whether it's to try and get a particularly good move in and emerge happy, or because you're exhausted from the fight, putting your guard down can feel so damn good, if your partner is gentle and doesn't kick you too hard. And the first time in my life that I did let it down, I learned that if you're going to change the way you defend yourself, you better change the way you fight, too. If you're wide open, don't you dare prance around while provoking your adversary, pulling them in and then pushing them away. This game, no matter how patient they are, will get old. And the first time I let my guard down, my adversary let me play my game and put up with me until I laid a really low blow. Then he kicked me so hard I didn't catch my breath for a long time. Eventually, the pain edged away enough for me to realize I'd deserved it. You don't lead someone on if you're not going to be able to defend yourself.
So I have two options: I either prance around with my guards up and ready to kick as hard as I want, turning away when my partner buckle under my kick. Or I let my guard down, letting them trust me to not destroy them, and expecting the same in return.
And while it's tempting to let that infuriating (for them) side smile slowly creep up my mouth-guard-coated teeth, there's also the attraction to be able to feel like you're dancing a ballet with someone that could decide to hurt you anytime they like.
However, I like to win much too much to let my guard down anytime soon. Here's to hard kicks and a reputation of a hard-ass fighter.

With love,
Veronik