Dating

In a couple months, I went from turning down every single guy that's asked me on a date, to grudgingly accepting after five or six attempts, to accepting a quick initial invitation, to actually asking a guy out (through text, but nevertheless). A full 180. Un volte-face.
So tonight, I'm going out to grab a drink with a boy who've I've exchanged a full 5 sentences with, whom I'll admit I can't remember his face, who I'll probably exchange school and family questions with while pondering a million other things and half-listening to what he's telling me. I mean, sure, I'm bad at dating and I could probably pay more attention to my dates, but let me just say something: I'm tired of dating.
I haven't even started, and this whole let's-cautiously-tell-each-other-safe-things-and-desperately-try-to-guess-what-could-turn-you-off-and-not-mention-it-ever game is exhausting. The whole, put makeup on, and a special outfit, and shoes that are cute yet don't make you taller than him, and ponder your look carefully so as to look like you made an effort but not look desperate thing gets on my nerves. This whole, does he want me to order a salad and will he judge me if I grab a burger? thing is ridiculous. This whole, let's do five dates before seeing if we're compatible enough to sleep together is anxiety-enducing. Laughable, absurd, ludicrous.

You know what I'd like? I'd like someone to throw caution to the wind. Say "fuck it", pick me up at 11 at night, no makeup and sneakers and hair in a ponytail or hastily brushed, and take me to a 24/7 diner and throw fries at me from across the table. Or take me on a drive to see lights from above the city. Or take me on a hike and go running and see each other with messy hair and twigs in our clothes, and sweaty brows, and real, hearty laughs. I want someone to pretend they've known me forever, and then they'll get to know me so much faster.

I don't want to "go grab a coffee". I don't want to "meet up for a drink". I don't want to go through the whole awkward phase where I'm not sure if what you're telling me is true, or if you have an ulterior motive. I'm tired of not being paranoid enough, because I really don't give a shit, and wore something that isn't your favorite colour, or didn't pop a mint in after dinner. I want to grab pizza if I want to, I don't want to have to worry if you'll pay, and I certainly don't want to go back home having not laughed or gotten to know you. I don't want to walk on eggshells until it's been four months and we're finally confortable... and then we realize neither of us want what we initially thought the other one wanted.

And I might be scared of commitment. I might be scared of looking weak if I get attached. I might even look like that one aunt that always shows up to the family party with a different boyfriend and whom everyone knows will never actually get settled down.  But seriously? Screw conventions. Just grab my hand, show me something I've never done, and your odds of finding a girl that will follow you on the next adventure just increased tenfolds.