A Guide On How to Handle Rejection; By a Girl Who Can't Deal With Self-Entitled Douchebags Anymore (A rant)

I'm fairly certain that at a certain age, people have a large repertoire of ways to say "no thank you" to a date. I'm not sure how it works with guys, but I have had to take out rather heavy artillery at times. And I have no problem with a persistent guy. I mean, someone who doesn't give up after the first time is kind of sexy. Someone who doesn't give up after the third time is downright annoying.

I've had my fair share of Velcro guys. It's rather my fault, I'm afraid, as when I was younger, "no" was so damn hard to say. As a classic example of an ugly duckling, any attention at all was welcomed. Therefore, when boys asked me out, it was my ultimate goal to say no without losing their full attention. There is, of course, also the fact that I just generally don't want to hurt feelings. And

I find it incredibly unfair that if I try to mitigate the mess of your feelings when I reject you (because rejection hurts no matter what), you get to call me a bitch.
No, you don't get to be mad at me for not wanting to go on a date with you. Hard as it may be for you to understand, I don't find you attractive. You're not my type. Get over it.
And if you do ask me out, and I say no at first, you are 100% allowed to ask me out a second time. Just to make sure I'm not playing hard to get or want to reconsider. I get it. If I'm into you but too shy to say yes, I'll appreciate the second chance. If I'm genuinely not into you, I'll accept it as such, and know that the door is open if in the near future, I can sheepishly ask you for a date because I was too dumb to appreciate your value the first two times. 

However, gentlemen, if she refuses two times and you want to risk it a third time, you better make sure you fucking nail it. I mean, if she's said no twice, you better have a really good argument for why she should say yes, even though she's clearly not interested in you without it. And if it works for you, then, please, by all means, all the power to you. I'm patient that way. I'll understand. Third time might be the charm, after all.

But. BUT, after three times, you don't get a fourth chance. And I can't believe I actually have to write that down. It just seems ludicrous. After four times, I've probably used a weak and personal reason ("Oh, I don't date costumers", "I'm not sure we have anything in common", "I'm super busy lately") and a smile the first time. These are usually stories that can be easily challenged, especially if I want a second chance. Usually, if I want one, I'm not satisfied with how you asked me, or we're around people I don't want to say yes in front of, or I'm just not sure. That's your cue to ask a second time: just challenge what I've said. If I deny it a second time ("No, really, I don't date costumers. Ever. And I don't make exceptions", "Haha, well, I'm actually seeing someone else, and I'm not sure he'd appreciate it", "No, really, it's absolutely hectic, but I'll let you know if my schedule clears up?"), we're done here. You'll recognize them as lines that are harder to object to.
If the issue was the context in which the date was suggested and I actually want a date or change my mind, I'll be sure to contact you again. The door is open. Congratulations. Now go lick your wounds.

However, if you decide that I'm missing something, and that I'm missing out on a fantastic relationship, you get a third chance.
"Yeah, but I have a fantastic cooking talent that you didn't know about." Oh, you do? Well, I suppose I can agree to one supper, then. Blow me away. 

But, if I'm really, genuinely, completely not interested, at this point, I'll write you a three point essay. I'm not sure how other girls react to this (and proceed at your own risk), but I'll still try to protect your feelings by writing you a full-out, three point essay with arguments and references, but still keeping from anything along the lines of: "You're blatantly boring", "I hate your facial hair and it disgusts me to the point I don't want to look at you", and "I just really hate your dad and I know you'll turn into him at some point, so I'm not even going to go there." but I'll be rather clear about my intentions. At this point, it'll probably hurt a bit more than the other times, simply because someone putting their foot down hurts, whether it be physical or figurative. 

If I do this, and you ask me a fourth time, I have every right in the world to say "No. Fuck off."
I won't. But I could. And some girls will. 

I'll be rather sharp, though.
And here's the thing. Some guys will turn around, at any point in this whole fucking process, and call the girl a bitch. No. No, you do not get to call her a bitch, especially if she protected your feelings this whole entire time. Unless she looked you up and down the first time you asked her, smacked her gum, and went "um, ew. No." you don't get to call her anything. You get to shut the fuck up and respect that not everyone will be your type. And if it hurts to be around her without being with her, then respectfully back away out of her life. Otherwise, put your big boy pants on, man up, and decide to be cool. Maybe she'll fall for you then.
But I am so fucking tired of having to pull eight hundred excuses out of my ass (If I have to say [and it's happened]: "I'm actually off to Montreal to study in a convent", ITS TOO DAMN FAR. YOU'RE TOO DAMN FAR. TURN BACK.) just to protect your fragile little overblown ego, it's too far. I'm just not into you. There are certainly other girls who will be. Stop harping on me and go find them. No wonder you're still single.