So I've recently joined Tinder. Yes, at the ripe age of 18, I've decided to give up on meeting people in social settings and basically meeting guys who have a) judged me chiefly on my physical appearance and less than 400 characters (and visa versa, to be fair) or b) accepted every single potential presented to them in an effort to match with every girl that's into them, and that includes me.
It's been loads of fun, really. Basically, two weeks in, I've spoken to dozens of different guys with different stories, and all romantic endeavours aside, it's been fantastic to hear about all these different mind sets and life stories and snippets. It's basically a playground of people. Because I've always been the type to make rash and slightly unreasonable decisions for the hell of it, I've so far been on several dates with several men... and it's only been two weeks.
This whole episode got me talking to a co-worker who's slightly older than I am and engaged and just basically wise in the ways of life. We got talking about first kisses and dates. He asked me if I kissed on the first date.
"Sure, if I really want a second one. It's my way of telling that if they want a second date, they can ask without fear of getting rejected."
He paused what he was doing and looked at me: "Damn, woman, you move fast"
He then went on to explain that usually, it's kiss on the second date, sleep on the third.
Let me just explain something: I don't care who the fuck made that rule up, it is a dumb rule. I'd comment on the stupidity of such a time frame, but I have a point that's more important to make.
Sexuality is a deeply intricate and personal subject. Whether you sleep with every man you meet, or you've had one partner in your life, it's your choice. It's a gut feeling. It's something that happens, and whether it is magic and emotional or you're just going through the motions, as an adult, you make your own decision.
I'm not sure if my co-worker was thinking that I make out with them on the first date when I really meant I give them a peck on the lips as a "I just wanted to let you know that this was nice", or if he straight out thinks that a kiss is too much after meeting someone. In that case, since three dates is also only a hand-full of hours, why is it ok to go all the way? Actually, I don't care what he thought. Whether you decide to kiss them, make out, have sex, explore fantasies, whatever, it's between you and another consenting adult. Not between you, a consenting adult, and the rest of the damn world.
So no, I will not wait until the second date to kiss you if we have fantastic chemistry and I will certainly not sleep with you the next date if I don't want to.
I will make out with you within the first few minutes if I want to, or I'll make you wait until I feel I can do it without lying about my will to do it. I will have sex with you on the first night if I feel like it, and I will make you wait three months if that's what it takes for me to trust you.
What makes me angry isn't the time frame. It's that other people think that they can tell me who I allow in my bed and into my life and what point. I'm not following a social convention when it comes to something as precious and intimate as my sexuality. Society has nothing to do in my bedroom.
No comments:
Post a Comment